State of shock for the Virginia Tech shootings

Just ...numbing

You can't even describe it, there are hardly any words

Nobody's fault but the shooter's

Feels like there isn't any justice in this world for his taking his own life

He took his own life

What can one do to prevent such a thing?

No answers

Could this have been prevented?

Dozens of questions

Last count as I've seen it - 26 injured / 33 dead

Jesus.

...

...

What's important and what isn't. 

It depends, doesn't it? 

Depends on the person? 

But ultimately, we all have 1 goal and that is to hit and keep that Happiness. 

Right? 

current mood: numb

Oh, Dna.

This Imus/Rutger thing is not a race/racist-driven issue.

current mood: bored

Dreams.

I had a baby. 

It started with me sitting in the back of a van - like one of those commercial vans, with the back separated from the front. It was moving, apparently someone was driving it though I couldn't see their face and across from me, sat a young woman. We were seated on some boxes -- you know how this really opened? Like when Cloud and Sephiroth were going to Neblihelm(sp?) and they were in that truck... no, van. Yeah. 

So anyway, there's this baby in my arms. Apart from the scene, I can see myself looking out the back windows, in a daze but I know what I'm thinking: 'omg, my parent's are gonna kill me - I can't go home and tell them I just had a baby.'  I look down at her and try ot breast feed the kid but only... I could actually see the milk in my breast, like I had x-ray vision or something. 

The baby doesn't respond, so I stop and continue to think about my parents kicking my ass.

The young woman across from me suddenly says, "You're not even playing with her." And takes the baby and starts trotting her on her knee. The baby is starts giggling - gets very animated.

Somehow or another we start talking about how exactly I had this baby and stuff about my parents killing me. And that I don't even know who the father is. The discussion results in her telling me I was at a party and had gotten drunk out of my mind, and therefore don't know what happened. I look out of the window and the scene rewinds, as if I'm trying to go back over what happened.

I'm suddenly at a party, drink in hand and carousing. As far as I remember, I'm surrounded by guys, no girls in sight except one and she was on a couch having sex with some guy. It wasn't me - didn't look like me - and it  was all very vague so no crazy details. No one was paying attention to them anyways.

Anyway as I wonder around, very drunk, the guys there just turn and say, repeatedly, "I'm not the father. I'm not the father." Didn't even have to ask. 

I get upset (apparently over the failure of finding the father and having this kid)... leave out the party and find myself walking down a street crying. I get to this huge-ass house with a big, big porch and just collapse in a corner of it, bawling like hell. After a moment, this new couple appears at the porch steps. They're talking/arguing in Spanish - the guy suddenly pulls out a gun and starts shooting into the air. A woman emerges from the house, starts fussing. 

Then out of the house comes this other guy, entirely naked with really curly blond hair. Faceless. 

He lays down on the porch beside me, while sobbing, hands me a white plastic jar with some reddish-pink stuff inside. He says, "Cover my body with this." The stuff's got the consistancy of strawberry jam or jelly. That's what it looked like. So I take a hand full and start rubbing it all over him, and in doing that, one thing leads to another....

Apparently he was the father of this baby I supposedly had. 

Scene changes back to the van. I'm holding this baby and looking out of the window, with the sense that I Now know who the father is... I just don't know Where.

And then the dog wakes me up. ~_~

Dreams.

current mood: sleepy

IN CONFUSED REJOICING OF "MY SISTER'S DAMN IPOD" COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD, MARCH 24, 2007 - 2:13AM.

And, I didn't have it charged. It just kicked back into working mode. 

I NO UNDERSTAND. 

current mood: blank

In Frustrated Memory of "My Sister's Damn Ipod" - March 22, 2007. 12:46am.


Current fixations: T.M.Revolution and Rob Dougan

I've been trying my damned-est to find "Just Say Fuck No" by TMR. At first I was browsing as "Just Say Fuck You" and well, that wasn't right. And I still cannot locate it. There's only been a hand full of songs I want though I did manage to find "Web of Night" in the Japanese and English versions. This song will be my Sailormoon character theme, even though it was made for Spiderman. Don't ask and don't worry. ^_^ I will make it work. If I could find the instrumental - even better.

So sparkley.

Speaking of instrumentals, I easily got my RD stuff. Dougan composed the entire soundtrack for my Rise character, Gregory -- every song I had fit to varying degrees - and I love his style. I've found that no one would really recognize the main composer for The Matrix, would they?


                      


Kimura Kaela and Gnarls Barkley

            


I hadn't even seen what Kaela looked like until the search was on for "TREE CLIMBERS" (all caps yes). I do believe she did "Count Down" which I cannot find either..... (I"ll have to ask Steph) but anyways, I was suprised to find her photos so normal looking. I do not so much favor her live performances but I still enjoy her music. =) 

Refs: Heartsdales, Hikaru Utada, HOME MADE Kazoku, just off the top of my head, so's I won't forgets. 

Gnarls Barkley, standing alongside DangerMouse (tall guy). His voice reminds me of Nina Simone's so much and I'm a bit frustrated that, with his/their recent (or not so recent) song "Crazy" being so popular, I cannot find "Necromancing" or "Gone Daddy Gone".  A lot of people that I talked to, including my sister, thought the "Crazy" music video was whack. Being a psych major, I was like *Appreciate!*; no bling, no cars, no ghetto-fabulous women - you'd have to see it.

Refs: Nina Simone and Ray Charles

Meanwhile I've been listening to a lot of Michael Jackson to pass the time by.

[Insert M.J. picture here]

Refs: Prince, Weird Al Yankovich

...

What? That was wrong, wasn't it? 

Meh.

current mood: lazy

So I can cry about the death of my ipod mini. 600+ songs, vanished without a trace. The second and final blow to my music archive since the breakdown of my laptop, which hosted 1200+. With the harddrive to that blown, everything was wiped clean. And now this. *sniff* I now am left to rebuild my library from memory alone. 

Edit: This entry has helped to recall a lot of stuff, yay.

In doing so, I've come to realize that my brother has really good taste in music. Itused to be that he'd only listen to game soundtracks... which is alright but I'm glad he's broadened his scope of things, so to speak. He and I favor a lot of the same stuff, in the sense of it being always anime/game related and just having that bass flow, that urban quality that can separate a lot of what’s currently mainstream from what is truly…good. What is worth my time, since I’m the listener in my world. lol

So having said that, I picked up his Nujabes albums and added them to my ongoing collection. Nujabes = Jun Seba = <3. 
Then surprisingly he had a lot of MINMI's stuff too. ?_?

                

How often can you listen to an artist’s entire album…and know that you’ll like, at the very least, 90% of it? I mean with unquestionable confidence? That doesn’t happen to me often and the only artists I’ve only grown to establish said confidence with is OutKast. I’ve got all their stuff, most recently Idlewild. The movie was something else - it had the eccentricity of Andre’ and just the down-to-earth..ness of Big Boi.

 

digression -The love/sex scene in that movie was like whoa. Prior to seeing Idlewild, I’d just seen ‘The Illusionist’ and the love scenes in both movies are basically identical. In ‘The Illusionist’, Sophie travels on horse back to the Eisenheim’s cottage, in some remote area away from town, right? …As soon as they hit the door, he’s taking her to the back room. Uh, dude, you know what’s gonna happen and I’m just like ~__~;;;;;;;;;; “Oh, God…“, cuz it struck me as a cheesy, get-it-over-with deal.

In ‘Idlewild’ Angel and Percival are all lonely for each other and she ups and heads to the mansion that is Percival’s (Father’s) house. But you didn’t know that until the scene suddenly switches to Angel standing in front of the place, in the damn rain. It’s storming, I mean lightning and rain and all… and her going to the door with Percival coming out to meet her is shot in ultra slow motion. Again, taking her to his room, you know what’s coming and I’m like *_____* “Oh. God.” XD Nothing cheesy about that one. /digression

…Where the hell was I?!

I was talking about music.

So yeah, my brother and I share music. We never go to sister for music suggestions (at least I don’t)… half the stuff she listens to, I can’t stomach. The other half…is just really lame to me. That’s not to talk bad about Rap or R&B - they are what I’m familiar with, but…. Don’t ask me a damn thing about these new Rap or R&B artists. Every blue moon, I’ll search for a song from something I’ve heard from the radio, entirely for the instrumental. Artist’s like Alicia Keys, John Legend (I met him three or four years ago, when he was the opening act for Ciara's debut in a 'Back to School' tour thingie), Jill Scott, OMG MAXWELL,




 they’re so soulful. ^_^;;

.......dude, I forgot what I was gonna say. I... It's gone. Gone. 

...

Look at what you did Maxwell. I cannot remember stuff.